guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
