Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
