I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
