omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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