she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize