So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
