My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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