Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
