With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
