He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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