The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
