i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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