since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
