White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
