i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
