y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
