Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
