Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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