If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
