i just wanna soil my oats bro
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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