I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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