he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am available for nakedness
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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