over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
