i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she peed on how many people?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
