there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
