420 ftw
I have demons in me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
