I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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