to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
