Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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