um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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