when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
