was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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