im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
