Can Purell be used as lube?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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