i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
