We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
