dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
