he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
