Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
