And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
