So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
