If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize