ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
