WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
