yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
