jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
