so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
