I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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