plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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