just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
