Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
