closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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