Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
