I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
