the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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