so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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