someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
