He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
