so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
