I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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