Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize