i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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