Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
