its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
pray to the hookup gods
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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