i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
