So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
