He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
