You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
