Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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