70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she peed on how many people?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
