thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
