Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
