if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
