I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
