is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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