i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
