I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
