her vagine was all disorganized.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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