"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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