Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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