Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
