I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
