literally had 100 drinks last night.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
