so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
