I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
